Ahmed Naji

I am not an American but an immigrant on the path to citizenship. I can’t vote, but I am brimming with enthusiasm for Kamala Harris and Tim Waltz. I can’t stop talking to everyone about how a better world we will have under both and how the future of the American empire will reach a new level of supremacy.

 While every American president promised to protect American interests, Harries went further and promised  to strengthen American military capability to make sure “we have the most lethal fighting force in the world,” Not for defense, Not for protecting but to ensure “we have the RESPECT that we so rightly deserve including respecting our military.”

God only knows what she means by “respect,” but it sounds strong and cool—it has that lovely, fragile masculinity to it that, as a cis man, I just can’t resist.

These aren’t empty election promises. No, Vice President Kamala has been hard at work with President Biden over the past few years, tirelessly restoring that “respect” by funding the war in Europe, enabling carnage in Gaza, flooding Taiwan and the South Pacific with weapons, supporting  Hindu-fascists in India, and making sure child soldiers and war criminals in Africa have easy access to quality American-made firearms and ammunition through their Sheikhs and kings minions in the middle east.

The war drum beats louder and louder, setting the stage for even bigger, better wars that will bring Joy to every American family.

All my life, I believed wars were evil, and weapons were tools of destruction—until last year, when my consciousness was enlightened by President Biden’s speech to the nation in October 2023, right after his visit to Israel.

 He explained how wars benefit the American working class and create new jobs for immigrants like me. He called for billions more in aid for these wars, reassuring us that it’s all for our safety. The funds, he said, will be used to “Replenish our own storage, our own stockpiles with new equipment. Equipment that defends America and is made in America. Patriot missiles for air defense. batteries made in Arizona, artillery shells manufactured in 12 states across the country in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Texas, and so much more.”

 Kamala Harris is set to follow the same path, centering the military-industrial complex as the driving force of the American and global economies. Setting the world on fire means more American weapons for sale, more factories popping up across the states, more jobs, prosperity, peace, love, and… joy.

I’m proud of Kamala Harris’s political agenda and how she’s consistently stood against any calls to end wars or stop sending weapons to war criminals around the globe.

We—legal residents of the USA and taxpayers—need these wars to strengthen the American economy, which is finally recovering from harsh inflation. Sure, we know that a “better economy” won’t actually lower food prices or improve our daily lives, but at least the economy will feel better.. will feel joy.

 Rich people will make more money, and maybe they’ll toss some taxable crumbs to cultural and educational institutions, which will provide more grants and opportunities for writers, artists, and immigrants, things that we all as intellectuals live on.

All this comes at a price. I pay my taxes, which help fund 2,000-kilo bombs for Israel, so when they drop them on schools, kids’ bodies will be vaporized, and no images will emerge to hurt me or my fellow sensitive taxpayers. Yet, I still suffer from panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. Some nights, I can’t sleep, haunted by images of children’s limbs, terrified of how these wars will escalate, destroying millions of lives and sparking new waves of terrorism that will eventually hit everyone, including me.

Thankfully, my university provides health insurance for nine months of the year, so I sought mental health support and managed to soothe my anxiety with free Prozac and other meds.

If that doesn’t work and the images of genocide and massacres hit too hard, I mix it with whiskey and weed until I knock myself out to sleep.

Thanks to Kamala’s economic policies, American whiskey and drug prices haven’t spiked as much as milk or eggs. Kamala has also promised to improve our healthcare system and lower drug prices. Rumor has it that the Democratic Party is even planning to legalize more drugs.

This is should be top priority because we should all be on something to stay calm and cope with the mental and psychological burden of being complicit in genocide and massacres.

Every morning, I practice my mindfulness meditation, standing naked in front of the mirror, smiling wide as I repeat, “I deserve joy; we are not going back.” Believing in Kamala is a necessary choice, especially for me, because the alternatives mean deportation, family separation, and fast annihilation. Believing in Kamala is also a process of identity transformation and self-recreation.

For instance, I was watching her interview with Oprah when I heard her admit she owned a gun and would shoot anyone who came to her house. Inspired by her strength during my transformation, I got a “money box” and started a project with my six-year-old American daughter to save up for our first gun.

 I’m not sure I can shoot anyone or laugh confidently about it as strong Kamala does, but I’m doing this to inspire my daughter to grow up to be the next American president.

Like our family, Kamala was born to immigrant parents, and like us—white-collar workers with a leftist, progressive attitude—we paid a price that included prison and exile. I don’t want my daughter, who’s recently started listening to Taylor Swift, to walk the same path we did, to suffer because she cares about human rights and believes in equality and freedom for all.

No, fuck that.

 I want her to be like Kamala, to believe in the new American dream Kamala represents—that no matter your gender or race, if you become an authority worshiper, believing only in power, and adopt values of success that prioritize selfishness over caring for others, and competition over collaboration, and embrace American imperialism as an unquestionable right, you will thrive.

I want her to own a gun, to laugh like Kamala when talking about shooting and killing. I want her to be strong, to inspire others, and one day lead the American empire toward a nuclear war that will annihilate humanity and “save” the planet.

With Kamala, a new sun will rise, a new world order will be set, and she will always make sure to pay respect to veterans and the martyr families who will die in the wars to come.

Although Trump and Repalbican rumors about immigrants vote, I can’t vote for Kamala, but you can, and you should, and they/he/she should too…